How to stay on Barry’s better side

1. Learn Linux.

2. Carefully scrutinise any vendors wishing to place chocolates for sale in the office.
I still remember that ill-fated day like it was yesterday. Actually, it was a couple of weeks ago.

Above the constant gurgle of salivating stomachs, Travis and I heard the shrill ring of the reception bell. Pale, weak, and undernourished, we dragged our feeble bodies to the office entrance to meet our smiling visitor. I remember her teeth twinkling a blinding sparkle like a dental whitening commercial. She may have also had a halo above her head; but that fact I would need to verify with Travis.

Our attention was quickly diverted to the box in her hands. I’m sure everyone has seen a charity honesty box before - for a trivial amount placed into the top, you take a sweet or chocolate, and the profits go to the displayed charity. This box looked much the same, and I quickly noticed the familiar white MS (Multiple Sclerosis) logo printed on all sides. I was later to notice another logo next to it - admittedly just as large, but unfamiliar, and in a colour scheme that blended into the background a little. The box was filled with dangerously tempting snack size chocolates. I momentarily stumbled as my groaning stomach saluted this mysterious bearer of the solution to every females problems. Delicious chocolate.
Would we like to place this box in our office for staff and visitors to purchase snacks from? Why not… in fact I believe I responded “well, it’s going to a good cause.”

Naive as it may have been, the moment I recognised the well pronounced charity logo coupled with the honesty box system that I know to be used by charities; the idea was cemented into my head that this was a charity operation. Eager to get back to work I didn’t give it any more thought and sat down feeling slightly elevated about the fact that we were helping the world just that little bit more. And that, as the lady had reasoned with me, I would normally buy snacks during the day anyway - now I have some smaller, cheaper, more convenient options.
I guess Phil has either been swindled more times than I, or he is just less prone to painting strangers in a rose coloured hippie light full of love and flowers and puppies - because the first thing he noticed was the other logo on the box; the logo of the company profiting from the sale of these snacks and donating (as Phil found after investigating) only a PORTION of their sales to MS. In fact on one side of the box it said “thank you for your support of [company name].” Within an hour Phil had emailed the company to find out exactly what piece of the pie the charity actually gets, and he received a response that the percentage could not be disclosed. He was however given a dollar figure of how much they donated last year, which means little without knowing precisely how much their total profit was.

Barry and Phil must have calibrated their bull**** filters that day (or more realistically - here’s further proof that I need to upgrade my own) because as soon as Barry next strolled in (well its actually more of an excited bounce) he was on the box like a hawk and asked the same questions that Phil had earlier.

What I didn’t expect, was the fact that 2 weeks later, it is still a emotional topic, inspiring colourfully worded discussion vehemently disapproving of the business model of the snack company. To quote Barry, it is “parasitic”.

All jokes aside, I do agree. While it is a great thing that this company is giving to charity, the box and honesty system seem to be cleverly designed; to masquerade it as a wholly charitable operation. The logo of the profiting company could be mistaken for being the manufacturer of the boxes; nowhere does it clearly state who gets what. And of course, with a charity logo all over the box; people are far more likely to heed the printed request “Your honesty is appreciated.” A truly commercial snack business would have a lot of trouble requesting such honesty.

Just to clarify - we are actually all well fed here. In fact, our office is akin to the cartoon depictions of heaven - entirely edible. The walls are made from candy, chocolate, and other goodies. My phone is made from strawberry donuts (speaking of phones, have you heard of the next big thing - VIBOKO?) We resist urges to munch into the office though, as then we wouldn’t have a place from which to deliver fantastic solutions to our much loved customers